Detransitioning, retransitioning and regret

Detransition, retransition and regret - there are several different words that are used to describe people who feel that the care they received did not turn out as expected or who have new thoughts about their own gender identity. On this page we have gathered information about detransitioning, retransitioning and regret. Among other things, what it is and where you can turn to for support if you live in Sweden.

What is regret?

The word "regret" can be understood in different ways. It could be that you regret your entire gender-affirming treatment. However, it is more common to regret a specific surgical procedure or the result of it. You can for example regret treatment because you did not get the results you needed. You can also feel regret due to experiencing complications after treatment.

Sometimes regret is about anger or sadness at mistreatment or forced sterilization. It could be that you underwent genital surgery because you felt pressured into it, not because you actually had a need. People who have been forcibly sterilized may feel regret for having undergone the surgery but had no choice but to agree to it. Gender-affirming healthcare was much more narrow-minded 10-20 years ago but is today more individually adapted.

"Regret" can be a loaded word. In cases where you have been misdiagnosed, the responsibility lies with the healthcare provider. The same applies if you underwent treatment because the care had compelling expectations of yourself or because there were actual demands for certain treatment. If you regret part or all your treatment, your healthcare provider should offer help with new treatment that feels appropriate.

Other words, which may be more accurate for some, are that you are dissatisfied with the care or with the results of the treatment you have received. Or that you have changed your mind regarding transition and how you want to live. It is important to remember that all people have the right to change their mind. And that the fact that you can change your mind doesn't have to be about the fact that you weren't trans or didn't need gender-affirming care.

What is retransitioning and detransitioning?

Returning to identifying with the gender assigned at birth is often called detransition. Retransition often means that one's identity changes in other ways. For example, by finding out that you are non-binary instead of a binary trans woman or trans man. It can also include what is usually called detransition. It can also be about returning to living as the gender you were assigned when you were born, even though that is not how you identify. Then you may still want to use words like detransition or retransition or something else entirely. You choose which words best describe what you feel.

Retransition and detransition are often a voluntary choice, but the reasons can also be social and feel compelling. If, for example, you lose contact with loved ones or have negative experiences  in various ways when you live in accordance with your gender identity, for some it may feel better to live as a gender you are not, even if it can be painful in many ways. Not getting support from relatives is a central reason why people decide to detransition.

Have you been subjected to threats, harassment or violence because of your gender identity? If so, you can turn to the RFSL support service for support.

Transitioning look different for everyone

Transition is often used to describe a gender-affirming process: the period when one can, for example, change names and pronouns and undergo bodily changes. A common perception of transition is that all trans people go through all the steps: that one transitions both socially, medically and legally. That is the case for some, but far from all. Depending on which type or types of transition you have undergone, a retransition or detransition can look different.

Social transition

Social transition means starting to live in everyday life as the gender you identify as. Many people who make a social transition change their name and/or pronouns. Many also start to dress in ways that they feel express their gender identity. Going through a social transition can also be a way to explore one's gender identity.

Social de- or retransitioning can be changing names, pronouns and gender expressions. If you have changed your legal name, you can apply to change it again at the Swedish Tax Agency.

Medical transition

Medical transition is various types of gender-affirming treatment, for example hormone treatment, voice training and surgeries. What a medical transition means is different for different people, because needs for care differ between individuals.

Those who have undergone gender-affirming treatment and want to retransition can feel differently about the treatment they received. Some are satisfied with the treatment they received and feel it was right. Others want to change their body so that it matches their gender identity or the gender they want to live as. Some are dissatisfied with bodily changes but still do not want to change their body again. However, they may still want to detransition socially and legally.

Legal transition

Legal transition means that you change your legal gender. To be able to change your legal gender as a transgender person, you need to undergo an assessment and receive a gender dysphoria diagnosis. You also need to live in everyday life according to your gender identity for a certain period of time. No surgeries or other gender-affirming treatments are required to change your legal gender.

Legal retransition means changing legal gender again. If you have changed your legal gender once in Sweden, and want to change your legal gender again, you must apply for it. If you want to change your legal gender more than twice in Sweden, special reasons are required.

How common is detransition, retransition and regret?

The Swedish Agency for Health Technology Assessment and Assessment of Social Services (SBU), has published a research overview in which they went through 47 different studies that focus on regret and detransitioning. Most of the studies were from outside Sweden. However, there is great variation between the existing studies. This makes it difficult to say exactly how many regret their transition, have been mistreated or detransitioned. However, the collected studies show that between 0-4% experienced regret in some way. It includes both regret over results from treatment and regret over having undergone treatment.

The studies also show that between 1-13% detransitioned in whole or in part. Some have regretted their transition and/or have returned to identifying with their assigned gender. However, the studies also describe people who have detransitioned due to social factors without their gender identity changing. Or who, for example, went from a binary to a non-binary gender identity.

Regrets due to medical complications also occur in other types of care. Based on the current state of research, regret does not appear to be more common in gender-affirming care. Regardless of how few people regret gender-affirming treatment, the aim of healthcare providers should be to exclude as far as possible the risk of misdiagnosis and maltreatment. However, it's important that this is done without prolonging suffering by delaying interventions for those who need treatment.

Support for those who are detransitioning, retransitioning or who experience regret in Sweden

If you have undergone treatment that was supposed to be gender affirming, and it has increased your gender dysphoria instead of reducing it, you can contact a gender dysphoria assessment team. You can then get help with, for example, hormone replacement therapy or surgery if you need it. This applies regardless of whether you go from, say, identifying as a binary trans man or trans woman to identifying as non-binary or if you return to identifying with your gender assigned at birth. Gender-affirming care strives to improve your quality of life. If you’re in need of psychological support, the team can help with that to a certain extent.

You may also need to talk to someone before you decide on what care needs you have. You can turn to a gender dysphoria assessment team. But you can also contact others with similar thoughts, a counsellor or us at Transformering. It might also be helpful to read blogs or watch YouTube clips with other people who have similar experiences.

Feeling shame about detransitioning or retransitioning

Some say that they experience shame around detransitioning, retransitioning or about changing their opinion of their gender identity. Feelings of shame can for example be experienced in relation to loved ones, to cis people, to others who are trans or queer or to people around you that you don't know very well. Shame can arise because of attitudes or beliefs that what you previously felt was not "real", shame about being "wrong" or a shameful feeling of being in an odd position regarding gender.

No one should have to feel ashamed or feel bad because of their feelings, needs or insights about how they want to live their life, what they are comfortable with and what makes them feel good and feel satisfied with themselves. We all need to affirm our own life journey and our path to what is right for us in our lives. Sometimes that path is motley and changeable. We all change in the way we see ourselves and we are constantly learning more about ourselves in terms of what we enjoy and how we want to live our lives. Sometimes it didn't turn out the way you thought or imagined and then you need to be able to change your mind. We all need to explore and rethink how we think and feel about how we want to live. About what makes us feel good.

How to deal with feelings of shame?

How can we deal with feelings of shame when they arise? Here are some tips on how we can take care of our emotions and protect our own analysis of our needs:

• Stop and think about - in relation to whom do I experience shame? What is it about these relationships that makes me feel ashamed or insecure? What attitudes of others trigger shame? Which attitudes would feel good?
• How am I in relation to myself? Am I understanding and supportive? Am I being judgmental based on what I think others think? How can I be a good support for myself in this situation?
• How would I like to feel in this situation? What support do I want from others?
• How do norms and expectations around gender and identity affect how I feel in this situation? What expectations do I feel from others? How can I stand up for my own experiences and needs in relation to this?

By identifying what or who makes us feel bad and what would feel good, we can more easily step out of feelings of shame. Then we can orient ourselves in the direction of what feels strengthening and safe. When we clearly see in front of us what would actually feel good, it becomes easier to stand up for oneself and one's needs. Connecting with others with similar experiences is also an empowering strategy to gain strength and not feel alone in your experiences.

Support via Transformering

Do you have questions about detransition, retransition or regret? Are you thinking about whether the transition you have undergone was right for you, or do you have thoughts about retransitioning or detransitioning? Feel free to contact us at Transforming here. We provide support, information and advice based on your needs, regardless of how you identify yourself. We can also give suggestions on where to go for more support or to connect with others.